I'm so glad I'm on maternity leave. I sometimes can't believe that I've tried to push my body to work past my 37th week. My body was already telling me to stop, to sleep, to quit...but I kept going and going as if the pain was similar like that of running a 1/2 marathon. I almost had the motto of "no pain, no gain". There was actually nothing to gain by pushing myself. Subconsciously, I was living my mom's work ethic of "keep working until it hurts"....as if there was no such thing as a break in life. That's how it was for me growing up and if I ever tried to quit for a break or rest, then I would be considered a failure in mom's eyes. I guess a part of me has kept my mom's spirit inside to run my life.
Sometimes in effect of having such a powerful "Mama Rose" influence in my life, I've turned all my bosses into my "Mama Rose". Whatever they command, I do until I get hurt like a martyr. For example, I worked hard and over and above my ability to please Tony from CPKelco by staying extra hours to get the plant running smoothly. I was his treasured worker until I got tired of his demeaning commands ~ he treated me (and all of us like) slaves, but I really did like being lifted into the limelight because of my techno-abilities.
Then there was Tony from LG Mobile Phones as well as Eva and Shelley. Tony was a great creative director boss for me and I loved working under him because his projects were totally my field of interest. I got to use my skills in Photoshop, PowerPoint, and other tools and it was fun. Then he left for another company, leaving me with Eva and Shelley as my new bosses. It got really boring to do marketing as an intern. I wanted to continue my joys in the interactive media field, but they got me doing newsletters and other internal affairs projects. It was a little boring, but I tried my best to put my creative personality into it. My motto was to work as if I was working for the Lord, but there was also that hidden "Mama Rose gear" inside me to work until it hurts.
So I'm seeing a "work til it hurts" ethic pattern here for every boss I've ever had, including Stefani from California Junior Cotillion, Alan from Chevy's, the many bosses at Chase Manhattan, and Marina from Master Manuals. Things got really weird when I tried to run my own business and be my own boss as a graphic designer. Having little experience with small business management, I ended up lost and overwhelmed with the "Mama Rose" work ethic still drumming my energy because I was my own "Mama Rose" defeating myself. It took years to get my business up and running with many success stories, but that's another story.
Cindy from Pomerado Christian Preschool is just a little different from all the other bosses I've had. She seems to give off a presence of feeling uneasy with pregnant subordinates. From the stories I've heard from Andrea and Margaret, Cindy has this "by the book" justice when it comes to working. She has little to no empathy for us pregnant women who are scheduled to leave her staff temporarily. It's understandable that scheduling is stressful, but for some reason it seems there's more irritation inside of her than just schedules. I'm wondering if there is a bit of discomfort with her decision to abstain from producing a family of her own blood. That could be one regret that I'd have a hard time living with...and this is just my thoughts.
Maybe that's why I've worked hard to please her to my very end....empathy?
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